This is about me. And it’s personal. But maybe some of you can relate, so I’m going on record and exposing one of my greatest weaknesses. And if it helps just one person not do what I’ve done, it’ll be worth it.
I haven’t been blogging regularly these last couple of weeks because I have been down for the count . . . literally. Flat on my bed with excruciating back pain. This has been the third such attack in the last 15 months.
I’ve been working on it, really (she whines). At least I thought I had been. And I thought this kind of attack would never happen again. Nothing in particular brought it on this time, it crept up over a few days’ time, and it stayed longer and took me down stronger than ever before. The 24/7 pain of it is so bad that my frame of mind during it is would you please just shoot me in the head. And, unfortunately, pain meds just don’t touch it. Aside from their initial opiate brain fog that lures you into thinking everything is going to be all right (and that lasts about, oh, 30 minutes if you’re lucky), they just kind of confuse the issue and wipe out all your system’s good and natural defenses at the same time.
So this time, after 7 days flat where I would hold my breath and wait as many hours as physically possible before having to get up to go to the bathroom because it hurt so much (I think the record was 9 hours), and when I finally could stand for more than two minutes, get to my MRI and my chiropractor for a first treatment, I finally started asking: “So what’s up?!” I mean, WHAT is going on here?! Why can’t I get well?
Now, granted, I had not been following the full advice of my back therapists over the previous months. Aha. Maybe I’m onto something.
Why do we fight our own healing? Why are we our own proverbial worst enemies? What really IS going on here? I think I’m a good example of this common syndrome, so that is why I’m choosing to share my personal thoughts on it. I’m trained in herbalism, different energy techniques, nutrition, animal communication, interpersonal relationship work, special ed, and more, ad nauseum. People come to me for advice on healing, not only for their animals but for themselves. And I love to help if I can and share what I know.
So again, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Why do we fight our own healing?!
Here’s just a short list of what this last round has brought clearly to light for me. See if you can relate. And if any of this strikes home for you, or anything similar, please take it to heart and do whatever you need to do to reverse the trend of fighting your own healing.
- As much as I know better, I way too often put myself last.
- I push myself beyond what I have already learned are my limits. This can be emotional or physical.
- I never hesitate to spend whatever is necessary for my animals’ health care, but am all too quick to cut short the expenses for my own needs. When it comes to me, if it’s not for an emergency expenditure, or for my minimum daily maintenance, I just choose not to spend it.
- I don’t practice what I preach.
- I don’t even always practice what I know.
- I don’t take my nutritional supplements regularly, and I am no longer young enough to trust my body’s abilities without that extra oomph.
- I don’t drink enough water.
- I often go into denial and choose to ignore major issues when they raise their nasty heads.
- The worst: I think I can treat myself better than anybody else can. NOT! I mean, just who do I think I am?
- The good news is I’m a foodie, so at least I eat well and buy excellent food.
This has been painful to write and admit, especially publicly. But this last trial by fire has brought me to my knees and full circle to an unprecedented point of committment to trusting my chosen health care providers and following plans of action that they have used successfully for many years. I do believe we hold all healing power within ourselves, but most of us just aren’t quite ‘there’ yet enough to make it work.I know I’m not.
So figure our why you’re fighting your own healing, ask for help, and then — sometimes the hardest part — just let it flow in and do its work and accept it with all the grace and gratitude it will bring to you.
That’s what I’m trying my best to do now. Maybe this time I’ll get it.
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