Don’t get me “wrong” here. No horse is innately wrong. No more than you or I are innately wrong. I’m just using the word “wrong” to ascertain whether you and your horse are a good match or not. If not, it’s nobody’s fault, certainly not your horse’s.
It is sad but true. Stupendous numbers of us horse-lovers, myself included, have bought or taken in horses with whom we are absolutely, positively ill-matched. And I do mean horribly ill-matched. And these ill-fated pairings end up with no one being happy. The person can’t do what they’d like to do with their horse (i.e. they never attain their goal of dressage, or jumping, or whatever it may have been); the horse ends up as a pasture potato.
Today I did a session for a woman and her new horse that I hope will be inspirational to any of you reading this who find yourselves part of an ill-matched pair with your horse.
Leslie bought 7-year-old Clyde just two months ago. She admits now that when she first met him she was not drawn to him and felt no bond with him at all (and wishes now that she had listened to that). But he had a lot going for him, a great track record in his work (Rodeo! Oh dear!), and was very sweet and docile when she brought him home. He had just come off a 3-day cutting competition, had a slight injury, and was probably dead tired, so his docility doesn’t surprise me.
Clyde very quickly turned into a bored and biting demon.
What Leslie wanted in a horse was a best buddy, a loving companion, a partner who could help her improve her riding skills. What she got was a frustrated equine workaholic who, finding himself living alone in a stall and small paddock situation, was not about to return her hugs. He showed her this by constantly invading her space, nipping at her, and, finally, biting her in the back while she was grooming him. Ouch!
I know from experience how much that must have hurt Leslie’s feelings, and how much she hoped and wished that this relationship would become what she envisioned. But she was smart enough to realize early on that Clyde was unhappy . . . which of course made her unhappy too. My hat is off to Leslie that she followed her intuition about this and sought help and input at such an early stage — she contacted an animal communicator (me, in this case) to find out what Clyde really wanted and how he felt about his situation.
You can imagine the response. Clyde confirmed all her instincts: yes, he was horribly bored; he had not really bonded with Leslie; he did not want to be coddled; he wanted to work hard, really hard, every day; he needed to be back “on the ranch” or where there was lots of room and with other horses, etc., etc. AND, regarding his biting, he actually said:
“Just tell her to knock me silly and yell at me!! I dare her!!”
This guy wanted to respect Leslie, and apparently her “knocking him silly” would help.
The bottom line: Leslie is going to find Clyde the home and work he wants and deserves. And she will find herself another horse who has a totally different personality. She feels badly because she expected him to change — and in fact changed his name, which he hated — but she shouldn’t. She’s done so right by him . . . and no doubt learned a lot about her own needs, so it’s a win-win outcome here. And Clyde? Clyde was SO excited when we told him that she was going to get him back into a working environment with a strong leader who could care less if he ever cuddled with her!
So I urge you. Follow Leslie’s lead. It’s not easy. But if you’ve got the wrong horse . . . for you . . . gut it up and make a change. It will be best in the long run for both of you. As Clyde would say: “I dare you!”
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One way to get a handle on your horse’s personality type, and your own — and thereby tell whether you are a good match — is to go take the personality tests at Dr. Madalyn Ward’s Horse Harmony website. And read up on the different personality types. It’s fascinating stuff and SO helpful!
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